


Obsession

by moonjump05



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dark Romance, F/M, Love/Hate, More chapters, Obessive, Rebels references, Slow Burn, The Force, Weird fascination, girl talk, is it incest?, moon metaphors, sun metaphors, tcw references, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5481809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonjump05/pseuds/moonjump05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo thinks about Rey, she tries not to think about him.  Spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hux found him after the duel, cold and injured and defeated in the dark forest, the very ground collapsing underneath them. They fled the destruction of the base with what was left of their troops, slinking back to Snoke with tails between their legs. _Starkiller_ turned newly born sun behind them.

A med droid, sterile and indifferent, examined him. A few bacta patches and a sedative were all that were required for his physical wounds- and even now felt like too much concession to weakness. He was not only mere flesh like that traitor he had cut down or like Solo.

He saw her when he closed his eyes.

_A dream, a vision, a hope- it made no matter. She shone with power and resolve, blue and green and brilliant. Her stellar form all encompassing and drawing him close, burning him in her presence. ___

He would close his eyes to see her.

Snoke doubled his training, clamped down on his temper, polished his pain tolerance. He would spend days in a row invading susceptible minds, over and over until every last dream and desire was laid bare before him, and then erase it.

What did _they_ know?

_He had her before him, confined and outmatched. The map in such easy reach…_

_She had pushed back, swatted him aside like nothing and had reached inside him. So easy for her to just pick up those small hidden places in him like the scavenger she was. So easy for her to just crush it in her hand._

What did _they_ deserve?

He grew stronger, harder than he had ever been before, had ever known he could. The First Order had regrouped and recovered, planning the next operation to victory when the holonet exploded with incredulous shouts of Luke Skywalker and his new apprentice.

She had been found.

He put on his mask, covering up the scar she had given him. It was time.

A:N I regret nothing


	2. Two

The room was small, plain white walls and floor with a low ceiling. This deep on the ship there were no transparisteel windows, but a few of the holoscreens had been set up with dizzying starscapes. The rest an array of vitals, no doubt connected to the multitudes of tubes and sensors converging on the figure seated in the middle of the room.

"Master." he knelt on one knee, anticipation roiling in his gut. He clamped it down.

A frail wrinkled hand rose from the heavy throne, "Rise," magnanimous Snoke tilted his disfigured head, "What news?"

Kylo raised his head, his new mask glinting in the crisp lights, "Luke Skywalker has revealed himself at last. He joins the Resistance and General Organa on Lothal."

"Lothal?" a deep rumble, considering, "Lothal was long a thorn in the Empire's side, and now houses Jedi sympathizers and traitors. A tempting target-"

"Send me," he interrupted, trying to keep all the desperation out of his voice. Kylo scowled under the safety of his mask, he could not seem too eager, "I have been to the system many times," Governor Bridger was a friend of Organa and Skywalker, "The strong Dark side Force presence would hide our plans," he reasoned, having heard the tales of before he was born, "It would be nothing to catch them unawares," he could finally finish his appointed task.

Snoke paused, his beady eyes boring into the mask as if he could see right through it into those dark deep places inside of him- exposing them, "And what of the girl?"

Kylo's face twitched, the scar running from jaw to forehead burning anew, "She is with Skywalker."

"Then both master and apprentice will share the same fate."

He held himself still, betraying nothing, giving nothing. No, this was too important, too critical, too wanted, "I will complete my task with my own hands."

A slow nod, "Perhaps the time is now," Snoke agreed, motioning toward the holoprojector. The blue grainy form of Hux appeared, his face still sour looking.

"Supreme Leader," the toady bowed, "Preparations are complete. We are ready to strike any target of your choosing."

"Stormtroopers will not be needed for a strike, Hux," Snoke would appear on the other end as disfigured but hale, the machines keeping him alive hidden from all but his apprentice, "But for a distraction."

"My lord?"

"Converge the fleets outside Bastion, let it leak that a strike is being planned. Kylo Ren will lead the assault."

"Yes, my lord." Hux nodded, before blinking out.

Snoke turned his attention back to him, "Go to Lothal. Destroy Skywalker and his apprentice. Once the remains of the Jedi are gone nothing will stop us."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

 

The door to his quarters opened silently and then shut behind him. A pause as the sounds of the station fade away behind him to nothing, leaving him alone.

Striding forward, his boots heavy against the floor, Kylo passed those bare essentials he allowed his body without a thought, without a care and reached what is truly important-truly needed. A pedestal, an altar, that holds the final remains of Vader.

So perhaps, not so alone.

The mask had been twisted by the pyre, fitting for it had covered a man twisted. By fire by the Force. By love by hate. By those who would have him become someone-something other than what he was destined to be.

Kylo sat, his gloved hands on his knees, body still. The gaping eye holes of the mask looked back at him, "Grandfather…"

"The task you have appointed me is within our grasp. Skywalker will be destroyed, and with him the Jedi who betrayed you- who betrayed the whole galaxy."

He rose his head a fraction, "I will finish it," a vow, softly spoken, "I will carry your true legacy, " a promise, made many times.

I will succeed where you could not, when the light engulfed you.

The mask was silent, listening.

Kylo hesitated, he had not told the whole truth of his design. Not to Snoke, never to Snoke. But grandfather would understand, would know why, "There is another…"

"An apprentice," a girl, a scavenger, a brilliance, "Powerful. Unlike any I have ever met."

His breath tumbled out, "She could be turned," she could, she would, "I felt it. The Dark in her," a shadow cast by her light as she raised her blade in a snow covered forest, the harsh edge of her mind as it slid into his.

"I could train her," he insisted, "Create a true force to rule the galaxy as you planned."

She would flourish, reaching levels no Jedi ever could, would dare, and no one would oppose him, not the Resistance, not Snoke, not Skywalker. He would surpass all of them.

With her.

He picked up the mask, gently, reverent, the weight comforting and familiar. Kylo leaned down, foreheads touching for a moment before putting the mask back in place. A hushed sentinel to witness his deeds.

"I will not fail you."

 

The gentle rolling grasslands of Lothal rustled in the warm breeze, far away rock formations dotting the horizon around his ship. Familiar, seen so many times in another life, alien. He turned, the pale spires of the city rising, delicate yet sharp against the sky.

His speeder joined the rest of the inbound traffic to the city center, blending in with the crowd traveling to listen the governor's speech.

The mass was thick here, jostling for the best view. Up on the podium, a middle aged man, black hair with grey streaks and a prominent nose started his speech. Nonsense about the Republic and fighting the First Order like he did the Empire. Bridger was a notorious rebel back then, and still an inspired speaker.

A local bumped into him and apologized without a second look, Kylo smirked, confident in his anonymity. Wearing a mask did come with benefits- no one would recognize him in this rabble with out it. Hiding behind his own face.

A cheer went up, and Bridger stepped back from the podium his arms and words welcoming his old friend.

Skywalker.

Kylo stared as the crowd around him went crazy, his hand reaching for the light saber at his side before drawing away slowly, his fist clenched tight.

He was old- his beard more grey than blond now, his face lined and weary even as he gave a smile. A meager has been finally coming out of hiding.

He was nothing.

He could not even sense him, the old scars of the planet leaving the Force here a tumultuous mix of Dark and Light that even Bridger had trouble navigating and he had lived here most of his life. Least of all for one who was so firmly entrenched in the Light for so long.

It will be your downfall.

But then, he saw it felt it, turned his head just enough and-

Behind Bridger and Skywalker, amidst the aides and lesser officials, his eyes bore across the crowd and fixated on her. All else falling away.

-there she was.

The draw of her. The pull of her being. Running through his veins and pulling the air from his lungs. Blinding in her intensity.

Her head turned towards him, sharp eyes seeking him out.

The Force thrummed between them.

He felt it, like nothing else before.

She consumed him.

A:N Wow! Thank you all for the huge reception! More chapters to come!


	3. Three

It was her.

He slammed the panel to the ship ramp shut, the hydraulics hissing steam as they raised slowly. Storming to the cockpit, he flung the metal toolbox from where he had been tinkering with the controls, the tools clattering to the floor noisily. His fist clenched, itching for the light saber at his side. Ready to ignite the red blade and destroy-

He needed the ship.

He breathed out heavily, he needed the ship to get off this backwater . Had even been adjusting the thrusters before he left so that the ship didn't drag ever so slightly to starboard when in atmospheric maneuvers.

She didn't even notice him.

The old toolbox groaned as it collapsed, rivets flying out as the shape condensed smaller and smaller, the metal flexing and flowing. He raised the ball to the palm of his gloved hand, scowled and dropped it back to the floor where it rolled away.

Her eyes, green and sharp, had glanced over the crowd like she had heard someone shout out her name. Her brow had furrowed and she looked right at him- then past him. Then her attention had been drawn elsewhere.

Bridger had finished his propaganda and all three went into the capitol- no doubt meeting up with Organa who rarely made public appearances and was in mourning besides…

Kylo summoned the ball back to him and then flung it out of the cockpit, it crashed into the ship hallway tearing gouges in the walls and floor.

How could she not feel it? The pull between them, the Force a tether, burning through him.

It was all he could feel sometimes.

The only thing that could eclipse his task and make him-

No, he held himself in control. The frustration rushing through him was nothing. The tense of his body nothing. The ache nothing.

Nothing.

Long silent moments passed, he put his mask back on with a click as it sealed shut and cut him off from the entirely crude world around him. His plan, the plan would commence soon and then he would destroy Skywalker.

 

Lothal wasn't the lush of Takodana, but compared to the barren Jakku it was still green and Rey breathed in the life here eagerly. Citizens milled down below in the city, a single mass from the balcony she leaned on, nothing like the windswept remote wildness of the island.

The Force here was different too. Instead of the pure and clean and warm glow it shifted constantly, light breaking through the cloud only to be obscured again. A sandstorm that she could only feel and not see. Years ago the planet had been different, but the Empire had stirred the Force here and it was still settling.

But there had been that unmistakable path opening, a single clear gap that had drawn her…

The breeze flicked her fly-aways into her eyes, her hand- nails short and fingers calloused- brushed them back behind her ears. They came back undone immediately.

"It won't be too much longer," Master Skywalker said from behind her, good humor on his face, he must of heard her sigh, "Just a few more handshakes and then we can travel to the temple."

Rey turned, "That's not-" she started, "I like the party."

A chuckle, "That makes one of us." He came to stand next to her, "This is much more Leia's domain, and Ezra loves this kind of thing."

She could just see the two far into the room behind them, talking to a brown eyed togruta and a greeny-peach twi'lek, "Will he be coming with us?"

"No, it is a trial only for master and apprentice," he clapped a hand on her shoulder, "We go together, we will both tested and we will both be judged."

Rey nodded, the warmth of belonging settling heavy but right in her gut. It never got old.

They left soon after, the twin moons of the planet rising over the grasslands. The temple rose out of the hills, made of the same rock formations scattered across the horizon, hidden in plain sight to those who did not know what to look for.

Luke had been to many temples, a devotee on pilgrimage, but she had only begun- having not been allowed into the first temple where she had found him, 'One thing at a time, Rey. You have to learn to walk before you can run.'

'Then why this temple first?'

'Hold out the light saber, Rey.'

She did, the heavy cylinder warmed by her hand.

'This saber was my father's- a man at least a whole head taller than you with a mechanical hand- the saber is too big for your frame or for your hand,' he had explained, 'The blade too long, the handle too heavy… unless you want to dismantle it for components, you need your own.'

And with so many temples destroyed or just not suitable, here they were. The shuttle landed with a sigh and they stepped towards the rock face.

"Together, Rey."

She nodded and reached out with her master. The Force welled up in her, powerful and still strangely new and deep- but hers, as much a part of her as her other senses now.

Beside her, Master Luke was the ocean around the island- vast and tenacious and unstoppable. As a fellow desert native he would probably laugh at the comparison.

The temple raised, opening to their call.

Rey stepped inside, not knowing exactly what she expected a temple to be like. This one was large, a plain and dark vault supported by pillars. At the far end of the entranceway was a door beckoning, as they got closer the outside world faded further and further.

She stopped, turning her head to see forms hidden behind the pillars. Bodies, dead long enough to mummify, long robes clinging to them. Her eyes studied them with curiosity but no revulsion or true surprise. Jakku was a harsh world after all.

"Ancient Jedi masters," Luke said, "Waiting for padawans who will never return."

A wrinkled face flew across her mind, sun tanned skin and wind blown hair under a desert tent. She had looked into another's face and seen her own future waiting.

"They will not interfere," he continued, staring at her but perhaps seeing another in her place. The other apprentice he took here. The one he spoke so little about and only in half truths, but with pain swirling through him, "I will wait with them."

He knelt down on the hard floor, "Go on, Rey."

She went through the door.

 

There was darkness, not Dark but not Light either, just nothing. She walked forward, looking and reaching and wishing she had her scavenger gear to light up the way in front of her. Her hand absently reached up in a familiar gesture and found the switch for the flashlight connected to her goggles.

A pause, then she turned it on- the blue beam lighting up what looked to be the inside of a ship. It couldn't- she spun around, expecting the door to appear behind her but it was just the decrepit hallways she had known most of her life. Silent and still and filled with sand.

She had all her gear- climbing ropes and goggles, her pack filled with tools to remove the choicest ship components. She knew that her sled was outside, and her speeder and Riima outpost beyond that. Her residence, filled with the best comforts she could manage, tally marks marching down the wall.

And no thrum of the Force.

No…

She searched through the ship, increasingly frantic as each hallway spilled into another, each door opening to empty rooms. Where was it? That part of her she had just found, just discovered, just completed her?

It wasn't… it was gone.

She knelt down, tears threatening in the hot stuffy heart of the ship. It was gone. Master Luke would leave her and General Organa would look at her with pity before disappearing into her important work. Her friends would still welcome her, right? But a part of her had changed. A part of her had gone missing. Could she still be?

Yes…

She pulled herself up, legs shaky and chest heaving. She would survive, she always had. She had existed before, she would exist after. She would piece together the life she wanted, filling the hole in her with whatever she could find. Whatever she could tear away from what was left of the ruin of her life.

She was the harsh desert sun, burning those who did not take umbrage.

And the Force exploded in her.

Bright and hot and luminous, it shone through the room, through her, and she felt like herself again. Above her was a crystal, tiny and sparkling and her fingers itched to pick it up but she pulled back at the last moment. It wasn't just the pure and clean blues and greens, but hidden inside flared red, a gem with fire.

She stared at it for a long moment, then picked it up.

 

The door opened beyond her, and she saw Master Luke kneeling. And beyond him, a dark figure backlit by the moonlight.

A hiss and his light saber ignited, an unstable crimson blade that she could still see when she shut her eyes even now. Could still feel the heat of when he had held it to her. Could still see the glow reflected off of his face that had been so close.

"I found you."

A/N: And so they meet again at last!


	4. Four

"I found you."

The words rasped through his mask, easily carrying through the plain vault of the temple with a smug confidence. He raised his light saber, pointing the blade accusingly, "You can't run away forever."

The old man rose slowly and faced him, but Kylo paid him little attention drawn to the figure behind him.

The girl.

Her green green eyes on him, wide but not scared. Never scared.

Defiant and sharp and piercing him through the mask, his scar- her scar- burning under her scrutiny. Her gaze a physical heavy thing that rested on his shoulders, his chest. Awareness of the blood pounding through his veins slammed into him, his breath catching.

A prickling ran down his spine and-

"Ben."

Kylo snapped his attention to the old man, his face was weary but cautious and resolute, his stance protective, "I am called Kylo Ren now," he replied conversationally, his earlier indiscretion fading as the next step in his task came closer and closer, "But you wouldn't know that… hiding like a coward. Hiding while I grew stronger and finished grandfather's plan." mocking.

But Skywalker just shook his head, "Ben-"

He cut him off, not needing to hear his feeble lies again, "I don't answer to that name."

"Your father-"

"Solo!" he spat out, his face twitching, "Solo is dead and so is Ben and you-"

A snap-hiss of a light saber igniting, blue, "You killed him!" she shouted, lunging forward.

"Rey!"

But she was quick, a lifetime of surviving on her own making her lithe and strong, and her blade crashed up against his. He held, his new saber not rattling in his hand like the one she had destroyed, but the blade still rippled from the force of her.

The red and blue blades crackled between them, sparks where they met. She was so close, her muscles pushing against his through the single point of contact. He was taller, wider, but did not tower over her did not conceal her. No, nothing could shroud-

"You killed your father!" her face tensed, teeth starting to show between her lips, "You put Finn in a coma!"

The traitor? Who cared about him? "Solo was weak," running from anything he couldn't point a blaster at, running from what he couldn't understand, "So weak he helped me kill him," he had held the grip, one hand over his the other reaching…

"I am stronger now," Kylo growled, bringing his mask closer to her, "I excised the weakness, the Light. Now only the Dark remains and the Dark grows more powerful."

"It didn't let you beat me," she whispered, piercing and brutal.

He shoved her away, memories of snow falling around him and hissing as the flakes struck his blade. Staggering out from the bridge, hot blood running down his side from a familiar bolt he didn't recall hitting him. Kneeling on the metal grate, watching the abyss below.

The clarity he sought never-

No, he was stronger now, "Then allow me to demonstrate it to you!"

Kylo barely heard the old man addressing the girl, he was unimportant. No, she had to see the Dark side, had to witness it's strength firsthand like he had like he did. Only then would she turn.

He had to prove it to her.

Then she would see, would understand and join him.

The girl took up Skywalker's flank, the pillars of the vault cutting between them as they both maneuvered slowly. She still had her- grandfather's- light saber lit holding it out towards him. Sky walker had not lit his own, holding it rather loosely in his hand.

"Han would not have wanted this, Ben."

"I am unconcerned with what Solo would have wanted," a clap on the shoulder, sitting in a co pilot's chair.

Kylo raised his saber in front of him, defensively, his gloved hand tightening on the grip as he tracked them through the slit in his mask. The temple was not that large and with the thick pillars swinging a light saber side to side would be difficult, thrusts would be better.

"Leia is still hoping you will come home, Ben."

"Foolish then," an embrace, walking through a door.

He widened, stabilized his stance. Skywalker would be an easy target, the weak and old were always purged from the herd. Then he could give all his focus to the girl, give his consideration.

A bound forward and a vertical swing down onto a brown robe.

Skywalker held out his flesh hand, catching the blade.

The blade stopped.

Kylo flinched back, but worn fingers held tight and he was unable to move away. He pulled, eyeing the unlit saber still in Skywalker's other hand. His armor could not protect him with a direct hit at this distance, he needed to get free.

Lowering his hand to his side slowly, Skywalker took the saber blade with him, trapped almost casually in his grasp, "Ben…"

And Kylo looked up at his unwavering voice, some long buried habit unearthed.

"Ben-"

A shout cut him off and they both sprung apart, Sywalker going to where the girl was leaning behind a pillar. Blaster fire striking the stone in little puffs of sparks and smoke.

He whirled around, storm troopers were filing through the temple entrance, laying down cover fire to keep Skywalker and the girl in place. He quickly moved out of their line of fire towards the entry. Hux must have sent them behind him, his faithlessness apparent.

Kylo strode through the thick of them, they knew to get out of his way well enough, to the commander, "Hold-"

"FIRE!" the shouted order ringing through the stone vault, the heavy troopers launching their explosive rockets into the ceiling.

The ancient temple was no match. The rock face cracked and splintered under the onslaught, the pillars buckling inward and then crashing down in massive chunks right over Skywalker and the girl.

They could hold it, suspended over them to save them from being crushed. But it would leave them open, exposed to the blaster fire raining down.

A fittingly unglamorous end for Skywalker, entombed in ruin.

But, the girl…

It would be a waste, she could be turned, be a powerful ally. To rule over the weak. But this was something he could do himself, after all he had been the one charged with grandfather's plan- not her.

She would be crushed on this backwater- forgotten. Her fire extinguished, the tether severed, his detachment restored.

And yet, something in him constricted-

No- Skywalker would die and with him the last of the Jedi, just as he was tasked. Just as he dreamed, just as he waited for. His next step out of Vader's long shadow.

The jagged rock fell. Skywalker held out a weathered hand, the girl following suit. Their fingers outstretched.

His gloved hand joined them.

The rock stopped, suspended. Bolts of blaster fire hung in the air, nearly vibrating in place.

And Kylo's eyes widened and he froze for a very long moment, staring at his hand like it was someone else's. Like it had betrayed him of it's own volition. He could feel the storm troopers attention on him, helmets turning in sync- his other hand shot out, sending their armored bodies so hard into the walls that cracks appeared where they hit, their limp forms falling to the floor.

Skywalker and the girl stood, the rubble settling around them gently, dust billowing. He could feel them better than he could see them, the old man's weary expectation, the girl's cautious hesitation. Recoiling, Kylo dropped his hand and backed away, unable to… it couldn't…

"Ben-"

He turned away and ran.

 

A/N: Happy New Year!


	5. Five

Various metal components were spread out before her on the galley table, different styles of hooks and grips among compressors and focusing crystals and magnetic rings. A tiny assortment that Master Luke had been able to recover, so much lost in the attack and then before that at the start of the dark times well before she had even been born.

The floating holocron in front of her had shown glimpses into the past- younglings constructing their first light sabers under the watchful ocular of the Jedi's droid guardian- keeper of the art for thousands of years.

Blue glow glancing off her face, Rey put the larger cylinder casing pieces to the side for now, unsure what she wanted her light saber to look like. There were schematics for the necessary components to make a true plasma blade, but how she wanted to put them all together was entirely up to her.

A crease in her forehead, Rey studied the inner workings again- it was rather simple for the veteran scavenger. Even now her mind would wonder how much that piece would bring in or if she should save it for herself to build or repair. Would see many of the components as miniature versions of those she had hauled away through the sand.

She leaned back, even now on General Organa's private shuttle dressed in the best clothes she had ever owned (casual wear given to her without a second thought) in a galley where she could eat or drink whatever she wanted (no quarter rations for the day) and in the company of myths (Master Luke would chuckle and say something about all myths having some truth to them).

And people she could count on (no more lonely nights, dreaming of somewhere anywhere else). She had talked to Finn and Poe a few hours ago before they jumped to hyperspace, and Chewie before they had left the Resistance base. Rey smiled, a content one that felt good, if rather unfamiliar, on her face.

The galley door swooshed open, and General Organa stepped through, "I thought I might find you here," she had changed from her ceremonial robes to more practical wear, but no one would ever mistake her for anything other than royalty. She took the few steps over to Rey, "Can we talk?" she asked, voice soft.

Rey nodded, her brow starting to furrow. The general had been kind to her ever since she stepped off of the Millenium Falcon on D'Qar, welcoming and trusting, but the woman didn't survive leading a galactic civil war without a core of shrewd durasteel. She had no doubts as to where this conversation led.

"You are building your light saber?" Leia asked, mouth crinkling up into a smile as she sat down at the galley table. She reached out for one of the casing pieces, turning it around in her hand inspecting it, "I never did, Luke tried once," she confided, "But the weapon never called to me like it did to him."

Rey paused, not quite sure where the general was going with this, "No?"

Leia chuckled, "Oh, it is thrilling to swing around once in a while," some long ago memory flickering across her mind. Rey could feel the youthful energy cascading over her, "But it is different for a Jedi, the weapon is your life."

Now that was Master Luke talking, "You didn't want that?" Rey asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

"Oh no," she shook her head, "I choose my way long before that path opened to me…" she trailed off for a moment, contemplating, before fixing Rey with her piercing gaze, "And that path was too tainted for me to follow."

Darth Vader, Rey knew, Anakin Skywalker, Luke would say when he said anything at all. She knew the stories, legends and myths at first, then personal history on the island. Where the son was able to look upon a dying man's face, the daughter only knew a mask.

"It was hard," Leia continued, almost to herself, "Loosing my parents, then finding out my biological father was lost too. Even my sad and beautiful mother wasn't truly real…

"But there was Luke, and Han," her smile grew fond, "And we did so much good. It didn't matter so much because Luke would carry on that path and I would continue what I knew best."

And here is comes, Rey thought, silently eyeing the older woman across the bits of light saber.

"And then Ben was born."

Leia paused, eyes weary yet sentimental as they searched her own. "He wasn't exactly planned," a wry smile tugged her lips up, "The celebrations on Endor got a bit out of hand, and suddenly I had to face the legacy I was left so soon after even finding out…

Quietly, "…I think that is where I failed him."

Sadness and regret burbled up in her, Rey could feel it now like she felt her own emotions. She twisted a fraction in her seat, uneasy but unwilling to stop the general just yet. It was much more than the tiny flickers of memory or half truths told to her by Master Luke, much more than she could glean from his stoic presence.

How could she ever know what path not to take if she didn't know the signs?

"He was so sullen, always brooding and never forgetting a slight. We traveled so much, never staying in one place long enough for him to really fit in- he would rather spend the time alone or even with 3PO than his classmates.

"The first time he used the force, he was so proud," Leia now couldn't meet her eyes, the weight of the galaxy for the first time looking like it was a burden on her shoulders, bearing her down down down-

"…I was afraid of my own child…"

It hit Rey like the thousands of tiny pinpricks of blowing sand, all over her body and all of the soft places inside too. Waves and waves, a continuous onslaught, that could wear down even the hardest. Could erode away mountains after a long enough time.

Fear.

Fear Leia felt for herself, for her son- all mixed up but there. Fear of a mask Rey had never seen, but Leia had stared up into while her home had been extinguished. Fear of a power she didn't really understand- but had and her son had. Fear of a darkness she could sense, but never see never light up never-

Brown eyes looked into Rey, into her with a startling clarity and sharpness, "You feel it too." it wasn't a question, "So did Ben."

Rey shivered, cold and hollow.

Stone faced, "Perhaps if I had more time. Time to reconcile with the idea of Vader or the Force or anything really…"

She trailed off, the general replaced by a woman mourning. Rey was quiet for a long moment, remembering a withered face on Jakku again, now less an idea of the future and yet more. "Why tell me this?"

"I haven't seen my son in almost twenty years," a sad shake of her head, "Luke told me what happened- and didn't really tell me anything. Even though he is my twin, sometimes he seems like a complete stranger. I was hoping to hear about it from you."

Rey sat up straighter, "He came to the temple after us, we fought and he retreated." the hard edge was back in her voice, in her mind. Anything else squashed down.

"This isn't a debrief, Rey." a sigh, and then imploring, "Please?"

And how could she not? "After," she paused, relaxing her thoughts, "After I got my crystal," blue and red and brilliant, "He came to the temple," a figure in black, mask glinting red from his saber pointed at them.

She had felt the gaze behind that mask- dark yet heavy, not suffocating but there. It had rested on her limbs, her chest, her face. She knew what lay behind the mask, had seen the blood smeared across it while snow fell around them. Could almost see it in the dimness of the temple even then.

Even now.

"Master Luke was talking to him," Rey continued, her words starting to have more and more bite to them, "But he kept saying things, horrible things and-"

"You two fought?" mildly.

Rey started in disbelief, her fist clenching on the galley table, "He put Finn in a coma! He killed his father-your husband! How can you even want to hear about this?"

"I can't just abandon my child."

And it was a knife twisting through her, heated by the desert sun but the edges rusty from salty tears and worn dull by the endless shifting sands. A flinch back, a large sweaty hand holding her arm as she cried and cried and cried-

"Rey," it was Leia's hand now, soft and comforting. Her nails short but manicured, so different from her own calloused ones, yet also strong from the strain of life in their own way, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I know," and she did.

A nod, understanding, "I have to have hope, Rey" she saw the rows of tally marks glinting and raw against the metal, "I know it must seem foolish, even after all this, but I can still see the light in him when I shut my eyes and look."

Rey's gaze softened, "It isn't foolish," lonely nights curled up in her makeshift bed, hungry and waiting and dreaming, "At least, I don't think so… I just," another hand on hers, smaller and orange, goggles lifted away to reveal the beady eyes underneath. They're never coming back. "I didn't work out for me." Anything else caught in her throat.

Leia didn't respond to that, for what could she say?

"After," Rey finally continued, "After he pushed me back, he went after Master Luke," like some grim specter in a dark cloak, "But his attack failed," a hand catching a red blade, "and he was trapped, but…"

"Stormtroopers started firing on us, we had to find cover behind the pillars in the temple and he got away from him."

"You two fought them off?"

Rey frowned, "No, they fired rockets into the ceiling collapsing it," Leia's eyes widened, she hadn't heard this part, "We couldn't hold both the debris and block the blaster fire."

"Then what…?"

"Everything just… stopped," her hand stretched out towards the ceiling, joined by Master Luke's, "The debris above us, the blaster fire," another gloved hand too, stretched out with them for an endless moment, all three together.

"…Ben?" a whisper, unbelieving, and Leia might as well have echoed her twin in Rey's memories.

She had looked, past the energy bolts hovering in midair to the figure in black, hesitating and cautious. Surrounded by white armor, he stood out even in the billowing dust, a dark spot cleared through the cloud to her eyes and yet…

When she shut her eyes, this time the Force showed him differently.

A glow, like brilliant sunlight reflected back from the waxing cresent hung against the darkened sky. A tiny silver scythe, sharp and pointed and cutting and so new.

Fragile, like some small hidden thing she found, holding it carefully in her hand.

"You saw it," hope, hope and hope bursting, "You saw it too."

An answer, a pledge "Yes."

 

A/N: Kylo will be back next chapter- hopefully it won't take a month this time. Thank you all for your support!


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